|Boop. My latest obsession.|
There are times that I think (moreso now than ever) that my younger self had a better handle on things and a better perspective than my current self now. I miss attending classes and going places, mostly because when I go places I take a sketchbook and I write down my thoughts between/next to/around/over my sketches and occasionally they take up the whole page.
Mostly I've been going through a bit of a rough spot and I've been trying to write out some of my thoughts in conjunction to searching through myself for a frame of reference of how I used to be and where I went wrong so I know how to correct things for the future. It's been an interesting journey so far and I doubt I'm close to it being over. I think today I'd like to take a bit of time and share a few of the notes I've come across while looking up things I've written to myself in my archive of sketchbooks.
[[The following are five quotes or thoughts that come from a single page in my sketchbook from about a year to a year and a half ago. Everything in bold is a note from my journal. All the other text is clarification or simply me expounding on and exploring the concepts presented.]]
"We determine our happiness"
It's such a simple phrase, really. Quite short. And I think that sometimes we say it and don't realize how hard it is to actually make the conscious decision to direct and determine what makes us happy and then incorporate it into our lives. And sometimes I think we look at that and know exactly how hard it is. One of my guiding principles in life that I have always believed in, even if I haven't quite lived it all the time, is that happiness, much life fun, is where you find it. I'm a huge advocate of "making it fun". If something you're doing isn't fun, then make it fun or stop doing it.
A number of people in my life spend most of the interactions between us complaining about one aspect of their life or another. I've pretty much given up trying to give any kind of advice or suggestions because misery is much like a drug, in my opinion. It gives a fleeting rush that feeds our egos and provides excuses to, at the most basic level, focus on ourselves. Now, I'm not saying that paying attention to oneself is bad or that all ranting/complaining is bad; it can be a very good stress reliever. But complaining, or more importantly, constant complaining about one's life, situation, circumstances, difficulties, etc etc etc invites a negative attitude associated with oneself. Constant association of "my life" and "this/that/the other/he/she sucks" together can, in my opinion, create a negative stigma attached to oneself.
"We shouldn't wait to be happy till some future point."
"We have to find a way to find happiness in our challenges."
I would like to clarify that this is not a cure-all or demands or any kind of suggestion for anyone. This are simply my musings about most things that I have observed either by watching other people or having experienced it myself.
Associated with this is the concept that "people don't change". Many people believe that we simply are who we are and that "there is nothing we can do about who we are and therefore shut up and put up". I strongly disagree. Because life is about choices. And choice denote that there is always a possibility and opportunity for change. The trick is in seeing where it is and how to apply it.
My younger siblings in high school (and one being a recent graduate) all lament the homework of annotating required reading. Unfortunately they also watch my tumblr so I expect I will get flack for this from them. As it is, we were having a discussion this morning at breakfast and I asked my sister why she is annotating the book her class is currently reading. Her response, as more normal high schoolers would be, "because I have to." It's not a bad reason per say, do the work, get the grade, go on to "better things". But quite honestly I think it is the lousiest reason to do anything. Doing things because you "have to" do them is a really horrible thing to subject yourself to. It's good that you see future value in doing it and thus drag yourself through it, but it feeds into that cycle of complaining and negative auras (I do not profess to see auras, but I am a highly sensitive person, and "auras" is the best word I can use to describe how I see people, especially those that like to constantly complain and feed on negative highs).
I suggested some things to her to make the assignment more fun. I doubt she'll take my advice, but I do not understand how the majority of people live through any kind of schooling doing assignments because they think they have to do them. No one really HAS to do anything. We always have choice, but when you choose the path, you are choosing the endpoint as well, and you have to live with those consequences. So it's easy to trap yourself into the thinking of "I HAVE to do this," because you want a specific ending. But just because you want the ending, doesn't mean you have to slog through the journey. There are numerous ways to make things fun and I won't go into examples, but ways exist. It's all about finding them and being creative. Now, I would like to remind you that this is applied to specific, mostly controlled choices and situations and is not meant to be a blanket statement. It is also again, based on personal experience.
"I did then what I know how to do. Now that I know better, I can start anew." -Maya Angelou
Pretty self-explanatory, one of my major downfalls is obsessing over every single mistake I've ever made and berating myself for not having known better or done things differently. As someone who does it, I recommend not doing it. It's not worth it and it doesn't help anyone. I'm a recovering addict of self-degradation and it's not a pleasant process. If you don't do this, good for you. If you are doing this to yourself, please find help. If you're also seeking to recover from it, good luck and all the power to you. I find I often have to remind myself logically in order to keep my emotional and perfectionist half in check.
If this is way too long and you skipped to the end, well, I suppose this last quote on the page helps sum it up nicely:
"When all we focus on is the bad and the evil and how to avoid it, our eyes become full of it and it soon becomes all we can see. When we seek to see the good in all things and do what is right and hold fast to what is morally sound, we find that our vision and our world is full of it."
If you read through the whole thing, congratulations. If I caused any offense, my deepest apologies, this is simply some of my many thoughts (and considerably the lightest of them) from the past month or so reflecting on who I am as a person and where I want to be. If you got something good out of it, I'm glad I was able to say something helpful.
That is all.